Well it’s been a few months since I walked away from the world of the ’employee’ and into the world of ’employer’ although I’ll admit having a team of 1 probably makes the concept of employer a little redundant! However, there is no employee communication issue, nor do I need to fill my world with corporate jargon.

Over the last few weeks I’ve had the opportunity to apply for various positions. No different to anyone else, these positions have been publicly advertised and despite being happy in my own space, I do tend to look at the details out of curiosity.

Corporate Jargon in job adverts

What is very apparent in all of them is the ‘corporate jargon’ used in all of them. I’ve always been aware of it, but I guess being outside of that sphere makes the wording seem ever more….. bonkers!

I read about the ‘assessment day‘ held the other day for a post and all that comes to mind is a group of people trapped in a room arguing (constructively) over some wooden blocks and a flip-chart.

On Twitter today, there was an advert for a volunteer position (in the public sector) looking out for “dynamic” and “highly motivated” people. Does that mean they want someone who can move and happy to do so. Perhaps for fun. Perhaps because there’s a grand-piano falling out of a tall building above of them? I mean, really?

Jobs demanding that ‘the candidate can work to tight deadlines‘ to me just smacks of an organisation with management that can’t make a timely decision. Similarly a requirement to “be able to work under pressure” shouts that there isn’t enough staff and you’ll be doing two people’s jobs (and probably not the one you thought you were applying for).

Here’s another one; “Determination to make a big impact“. They don’t mention the parallel skill of being able to walk away not-moralised because nobody wanted that change anyway.

Of course whilst I’m joking about some of my interpretations, the question that does come to mind is why organisations insist on using such daft language.

Essentially what they want is ‘someone who can do the job competently, even when things get a bit manic through no fault of your own, and who don’t take the proverbial’.

And whilst you probably won’t see that line on the next job advert you look at, isn’t that really all that they’re looking for?

In my company of 1 (can 1 be a company, or is that a ‘hermit’?) all the goals and measurables (corporate jargon word alert!) are simple. I look after animals, make sure they’re happy and it’s in line with what their owners were expecting and paying me for.

I’m just glad I didn’t have to fill out a 16 page application form, attend an assessment with group sessions and flip charts or give a powerpoint presentation about the markets I feel the business should be expanding into in 5 years’ time.

At no point does any of that tell anyone if I can get on with and walk their dog, or look after their house pets whilst they’re away. You’ll have to read the feedback on my corporate website to hear from my satisfied clients for that!

Have you spotted any other instances of unnecessary corporate jargon on application forms or job descriptions? Let me know about them on here by adding a comment below!