Today marked the next milestone in getting back to ‘normal’, whatever that actually means. I went into work with the intention of being there, rather than as a social call.
To be honest, it wasn’t the greatest success. Whether it be the humid conditions, the 10k run beforehand or just the significance of it all, but the white noise returned. So there was relatively little ability to concentrate. But it was good to be back even if I was unable to even do the things I thought I’d have been able.
Small steps. That’s what I keep hearing.
I had a conversation about spiritualism. Both Mark and I had firm views on the world of religion – subtly different, mostly due to our experiences.
Mark had religion, at least to some extent until he was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a cancer of the blood plasma. But he lost his beliefs when he was in hospital observing children dying from cancer – he couldn’t reconcile how any deity could allow youngsters to feel such pain.
I’m a scientist and need proof to be able to accept facts. With creation I have very much a chicken/egg scenario – i.e. who creates the creator. I accept that the model of the world isn’t sufficient to explain what I see, and that there must be more to it. But I’m unable to put something in place such as religion, with no basis behind it.
So Mark was an atheist and I’m agnostic. But it doesn’t stop me wondering ‘what if there’s more to it all, what if there’s something else’. Maybe one day I’ll try to find an answer. But I’m not ready to do that just yet.