Tomorrow marks the first whole month since Mark’s death.
This is rather surreal – in some ways it seems like an eternity since what was to be our final conversation. In others, well I can’t actually account for most of the 30 days. It seems inconceivable that the time has actually gone by at all.
I still don’t really know what is happening in my head. The white noise has returned – actually I’m unsure if it ever went away, but it seems worse than before. The whole thing is beginning to sink in now I think. I’m certainly having a lot more days when I feel desperately sad. My sleeping pattern is all over the place too which is throwing me completely as even on shifts, that was one part of my routine which was relatively settled (disturbed only my my neighbour’s youngest who has taken the ‘terrible twos’ as a challenge in itself).
So what to do tomorrow. Well, as I realised talking with my brother, I’ve not cleaned the house in a long time. Admittedly some of it is totally inaccessible at the moment but I think that’s something that should be tackled before environmental health turn up and tape the place off …….