Had an interesting 24 hours (plus a bit).

Went into work last night to see everyone and to meet my new line manager – things always change when you’re away – always nice to see them, which is something that keeps me going. The basic message does seem to be ‘give it some proper time to get your head straight’ which was helpful.

Within all of this I keep being told of the ‘grieving process’ with lots of sage nodding and suggestion of wisdom. For someone who is process-minded this conjures a picture of something discrete and organised with a structure to follow. What they also say within the nodding is that everyone is different. So we have a bespoke process for every individual. Such as thing is as useful to me as a chocolate fire-guard, although that latter item might as least taste ok.

So I’m being asked to make an assessment based on something intangible and to take a decision based on feelings I don’t understand. Oh, and it’s called a process. Brilliant.

Work want to give me all the support available so I’m inclined to follow their lead and see if that makes things any clearer. I’ll leave the ‘experts’ to make up their own processes to follow!

Today was a house-y day. So managed to clear up and make the kitchen less of a health hazard, did some baking and had a visit from a close friend in the afternoon which allowed me to reflect and to chat about Mark, the good times and the realisation of what had happened.

Next Wednesday marks the first month since he passed away. I can’t actually account for that amount of time. I don’t know what I’ve done or how it could have gone by so quickly, yet seem such a long time ago.

I still can’t actually accept he’s gone.