Had a break from the blog for a couple of days. Mostly because by the time I’ve thought about it it’s been after midnight and I’ve been promising myself an early night.

Met up with a couple of the people I trained with on Tuesday and went for a bike ride around Ladybower Reservoir and managed to keep from falling off and getting rained on too much. A good pub lunch (whilst it did rain) and a catch up.

I got home to find the details for the probate interview; looking at the paperwork I managed to pre-empt most of the questions and it all looks complete. So hopefully that should be relatively straightforward, although I’ll reserve judgement until it’s done and dusted.

Yesterday I managed to do a couple of the jobs that have been outstanding for a couple of months. Took the old plastic greenhouse back to the shop as the zip has never been right and eventually came off completely at the weekend. And I’ve got Currys to come out to look at my oven as it seems to be telling fibs regarding the temperature it’s working at. Result is longer waiting times for baked cakes – a totally unacceptable situation!

Met up with my supervisor yesterday, who came around to do a welfare check on me. We discussed my return to work and I’m still struggling to work out what is best on this. To their credit work are giving me all the space I need. I *really* want to get back to work but my brain doesn’t seem to want to work quite right.

For example I’ve sat down today and read some study notes and that has been OK, but this was at my own pace. But then at the tower practice tonight, I realised that whenever I needed to make a decision or give a command/action, I wasn’t actually able to do that. But whether this is something down to the fact I’ve not been at work for a while now or if it’s something that will pass on its own, I really don’t know.

Something to ask the Dr when I see her on Monday. Hopefully I’ll be back in work in some capacity very soon. But it would be nice if my brain would co-operate.

Sleep pattern has imploded again. Weird dreams, waking up ridiculously early for no reason. Not a great help – perhaps this is lack of routine? I just don’t know.

I seem to be spending all my ‘downtime’ thinking about Mark. When I’m busy, it’s fine but then as soon as I’m not, the thoughts are that much more intense. I check my mobile for texts, check the answerphone for messages. I keep thinking about what had happened. Was there any way of stopping it occurring. Obviously not a relevant question as I can’t change things even if there was. I just miss him so much, I really can’t put into words.

Looked at the items sold on eBay recently and totaled up the figures. And then sent an electronic transfer of the value net of postage / eBay charges to Myeloma UK. So something good has come out of this week after all.